(Source: shitbloggerssay)
(Source: weheartit.com)
(Source: weheartit.com)
(Source: skinnerschild)
I haven’t posted anything in a really long time. I guess I haven’t had much to say lately. It’s just been really hard to get through this year. When I look at my life from this time last year all the way to todays date… my life has just changed so much. I’ve had new people walk into my life, forced other people out, and wished some were in. I’ve definitely matured a whole lot. I know that for a fact. I think my biggest flaw was that I used to think into things way to much and I would take everything to heart and make the issues bigger than what they really were. I don’t do that as much and this has been a recent change. It’s not for any reason other than I’m happier when I don’t focus so much attention on little things that would make me upset. There has been some bad times … actually a lot of bad times to be honest. But I’ve always been quick to forgive everyone. I don’t see the worth in holding grudges. I just want to be happy. As much as I try to limit my heart and my feelings and my emotions, I still do feel them. I definitely don’t wear my heart on my sleeve anymore thats for sure, but since this time last year there have been a select few people who have helped me to make that change. However, I really have been happy lately. It just sucks when the people you want to have in your life don’t really care if they’re there or not. Don’t get me wrong, there are some who value having me care for them…. but others not so much. And it hurts. But it’s life. Sometimes I wish I could rewind like 4 years and make different choices. I pushed a lot of good people out of my life and I really regret not doing anything to change the way things turned out with them. I won’t make that mistake now. I’m only close to maybe 7 people at most and I value my relationship with them more than they can ever imagine.. especially 3 of them, 1 of which stands out to me often. I sometimes wonder why I feel the way I feel somedays though. I just have nights where I can’t control depression. It just creeps onto you without any consent. My usual conclusion is just based on the apathy of my mother, and the meanness of my father. He completely ruined me. I deal with that always in the back of my mind and yet, at the same time I still can manage to show people care. I feel sorry for those who have a difficult time doing that because I know it was hard for me. But aside from all this care talk, which is only an obvious topic for a girl to write about because on lonely nights it consumes your thoughts, the pressure I’ve been feeling from other aspects of my life are getting to be ridiculous. It’s going to be okay, though. I’ve learned to cope with it all though. I just sorta ignore it all. I try my best to move on with everything and let things go. I think I’m slowly becoming very passive. I just wish everyone can seep into my mind and figure me out because I can’t even understand myself sometimes. This is all just wishful thinking.
(Source: boomboombikini)
(Source: atumblratrandom)
